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Undrawn 8bitjoystick Comics : Excalibur! True Believers!

I thought that those of you who liked my comic might want to see the scripts to them. These include the comics that I wrote but never got around to drawing. Hopefully some time soon I will have more free time and I could start to draw more comics. Enjoy.

Preview Comic 0: Super Tiger Dragon Happy Family Meal
P1
Kymberly: So what do you want to do for dinner tonight?
Jake: Let's go out to that Mandarin place.
P2
Kymberly:Uh again? You would eat there every day if you could. Don't you ever get sick of Chinese food?
P3
Jake: Nope and I can name at least one billion people who do that every day. The entire country of China.
Cut to a couple in Beijing at Red Square.
P4
Girl: Comrade Wang where do you want to go for dinner?
Guy: How about we grab a burger?
Girl: Again?!

1: Booting Up
P1
Kymberly: So are you finally starting that web comic of yours.
Jake: That's right. It is harder than it looks.
P2.
Kymberly Let me get this straight. You are starting your comic by making a comic about making comics?
P3
Jake: I know it is a tired cliché but the way that I look at it the readers can go look for net porn if they don't like it.
P4
Kymberly: Don't quit your day job Mr Schultz.
Jake: Gotcha.

2: The Best Part of Waking up
P1:
Jake and Kymberly in a non-Starbucks coffee cafe ordering espresso.
Jake : One Big ass Venti triple shot latte with foam please.
P2:
Sipping coffee taking a big sip of coffee
SFX: Slurp
P3:
Jake: Ohh Yeah!
P4:
Kymberly: So do street junkies even know that caffeine is totally legal?
Jake: : Juan Valdez is my pusher.

3: Little know facts about BBQ. Narrated by the floating head of Jake
P1
VO: He loves to wear black sweatpants and flip flop sandals all the time.
BBQ: Looking Sexy!
P2
VO: He eats mostly TV dinners, and Slim Jims but remains freakishly skinny
P3 shares panel with P2
VO: He has most of his videogames that he started collecting in the mid 80s. That is a lot of games.
BBQ: TurboDuo baby!
P4
He is a walking encyclopedia of movie information from the last 30 years of cinema.
BBQ: Goonies is the finest movie ever made.
P5
VO:His long hair is cool but he sort of looks like a skinny hippy Jesus since he grew the beard.
BBQ: Hey don't make me kick your ass at Puzzle Fighter!

4: Mr. Xbox and the LameCube
BBQ and a white teenage MR Xbox with a thin mustache.
P1
Mr Xbox: Oh man that LameCube is a toy dawg
Da Xbox is where the real playaz flava is at homes!
P2
Mr Xbox: It looks like a toy purse with it's little bitty handle dawg! The Xbox just feels like you are holding something dope!
P3
BBQ slams Mr Xbox over the head with the Gamecube by the handle.
SFX:Tha-Wack
P4
BBQ: For the record Link in is way cooler than Spawn or Heihachi any freaking day.
Mr: Xbox: Lamesauce!

5: Cats
P1
Kymberly holding her cats
Kymberly: Aww these kitties really love us.
P2
Jake thinking:
Visual: Lucy on her back getting her belly rubbed
Lucy thinking: I am going to pee on your clothes and on the bed when you are sleeping in it.
P3
Visual: Desi on my bag
Desi Thinking: Soon I shall piss on this and claim this bag for me. Then bite their feet when they are sleeping.
P4
Jake: Is there a way they can show their love that does not involve urine and claws?

6: BBQ talking to Howard Dean
P1 wide
Howard Dean : Well of course I would have liked to win the primary and the nomination but I am glad to do my part to help energize the Democratic party and take the fight all the way to the White house so we can take back out country and send George Bush a one way ticket back to Crawford Texas!
P2
Howard Dean : YeeeEEEAAAHHH
P3
BBQ : Cool. You are still a doctor right? Because I have been having this genital rash.

7: Why Gameboys are better than Cell phones : a PSA
P1:
VO: There is no monthly fees, service plans, roaming charges and weak network signals on the GBA.
Visual The Devil with a Cell phone contract.
P2:
VO: Gameboys do not go off and ring in a crowded movie theater. That makes the other viewers less likely to want to shove it up your ass.
Visual: Movie Screen in a darken movie theater with dork on phone.
Dork : Yo Dawg Wazzup!,
P3:
VO: Playing video games can be much more intellectually stimulating than most cell phone conversations.
Visual: White 15 year old guy with his hat backwards
Dork: Hell Yeah I be on a cell phone! Yo yo I be busting mad ring tones wit DJ skillz like a Bitch Pimp.
P4:
VO:When was the last time you ever saw some one almost run you over be cause they were playing Gameboy when driving.
Visual: Guy on SUV on cell phone running over old lady with walker.
P5:
VO:Cell phone headsets make you look like a fast food worker talking to yourself and Gameboys do not emit gay ass ring tones of "Oops I did it again!".
P6:
VO:The Nokia N-Gage... I mean WTF?!?
VO:The more you know.

8: PSP VS DS 2004 WTF
P1
Nerds arguing over the PSP with the Nintendo DS.
Jake: You would rather get a Nintendo DS that a PSP? The PSP is going to be pure 3d power with an mini DVD drive and Wifi networking. You know the games are going to be awesome and you can watch movies on it for Pete's sake.
P2
Blockbuster Guy: No way the Nintendo DS's battery life is going to rock. The touch screen and dual screens is going to revolutionize gaming as we know it. Nintendo is going to make sure there are great games on it. It just impressed everyone more than the PSP. The PSP is the new Betamax.
P3
Jake: The DS is from the same company who thought the Virtual Boy was a good idea. It shot your eyes with freaking red lasers!
Blockbuster Guy: Blasphemer! How dare you question the great Mario!
P4
Kymberly talking to another girl
Kymberly: My God we are really dating nerds.
Girl: You know if we stop dating them our new guys would argue about manly things.

9: Little know facts about New Zealand. Narrated by the floating head of Jake
P1
Most New Zealanders or "Kiwi" are three to four feet tall with hairy feet and they live in holes in the ground.
P2
The video game selection sucks down there.
P3
They have little three wheeled mopeds instead of cars. Some are pulled by sheep.
P4
Instead of a currency financial transactions in New Zealand are carried out in a barter system of wool, beer and bacon.
P4
The political system is dominated by Prime Minister Peter Jackson who rules with his ring of power from the capital of Hobbiton. I think it is on the north island.
P5
The main purpose of the New Zealand military is to suppress sheep insurrections. The Babe Rebellion of 1992 killed a dozen people. That is about half the population of the country.

10: Drinking
P1
If a cheap beer can be marked up at three times normal prices it becomes hip and cool.
Can of PBR next to five bucks
P2
The government does not think you are responsible enough to smoke pot but you can buy Vodka by the gallon.
V: Three vodka bottle sizes. Small, medium and Drunken Commie Brand Alcoholic Economy Jumbo Size.
P3
Drinking when playing chess is a bad idea.
Jake: My freaking knight can whoop your queen's hot ass! Woo!
P4
Sweet rum and juice drinks can really fuck you up faster than you realize.
Drunk guy with drink umbrella in his hair drinking from a coconut with a long straw:Yargh. I be a butt pirate. My Matey

11: Extended Super Duper Collector's Edition
P1
Jake: Hey they are re-released Donnie Darko with new footage and stuff. Wanna check it out?
P2
Kymberly: Grr they are just trying to get more money from you just like the Extended Editions of The Lord of the Rings
P3
Jake: Well they are in the business of making money and no one is putting a gun to my head and making us get the movie on DVD twice.
P4
Kymberly: You are a DVD nerd. Special Extended Edition director cuts are like insulin to you.
Jake: I can quit whenever I feel like it. I don't have a problem.

12: PC Peter
P1
Visual: Jake down at some guys house.
Jake: Hi there PC Peter ready for some LAN action?
P2
Visual: Visual of a Pimped out modded PC.
PC Bob : Yup As you can see I just spent several thousand bucks on my PC setup including a liquid freon cooling system and a custom Klingon case mod. I keep blowing half a thousand on a new video card about every other month. I am not even going to bring up my LCD projector and HD TV.
Jake: Ok...
P3
PC Bob : Hold one let me burn a copy of this game. Do you have a CD Key my old Krack is not working.
Jake: Your pirating a downloaded game?
P4
PC Bob : Well yeah. They are freaking expensive man. My wife only give me so much allowance.

13: SCEA US has Very High Quality Assurance Standards.
P1
Jake: So let me get this straight. Sony has refused to let SNK publish SVC Chaos for PS2 in the US because they said it did not meet their high quality standards.
P2
BBQ : Yup but they did allow these games to be published.
Screen shots of these games: Fantavision, Cosmic Race, Mary Kay and Ashley, Britney Spears dance beat, 20 fucking army men Games. over a hundred football and basket ball games, and Killek : the DNA Imperative.
Jake: It is almost enough to make me want to beat myself to death with an Xbox.
BBQ: Killeik the Fucking DNA Imperative.

14: Why the hell do people keep using MS Outbreak?
P1
What kind of person keep using MS Outlook instead of a more secure stable email client. Let's find out.
Visual: Screen shot of Outlook
P2
VO: Do they like anonymousness unprotected sex with hookers?
Guy: Oh yeah
P3
VO: Do they have their pin and financial information tattooed on their forehead?
Guy: You know it!
P4
VO: Do they eat expired government surplus pork byproducts?
Guy: It is a sweat deal!
P5
Jake: So why the hell would you anyone use MS Outlook instead of the free and safe Mozilla Thunderbird?
Don't be like that guy.

15 Web Logger Trading cards
Hey kids be the first on your block to collect all the the webloggers trading cards

The Right wing Political Blogger.
Does not flinch when using the terms "Islamafascists" and "Billary Klinton" in the same sentence.
Maintains smug sense of importance and superiority at all times regardless of their job at Wal-Mart.
Thinks that bloggers are better than professional journalists because they do not have fact checkers or editors.

Super Liberal Hippie Blogger
Has a Michel Moore Screen Saver
Goes to low impact Aerobics for Anemic Vegans
Plans on dressing up as Dennis Kucinich for Halloween

The 13 year old blogger.
Updates her site every 5 minutes
Posts AOL IM conversations
Blogs long discussions about Hilliary Duff during math class
Had a cell phone before her first period.
Writes in in all capital letters and rarely uses punctuation

The Coding Blogger guy
Thinks User Friendly is the epitome of humor.
Has more PDAs than underwear
Owns Voltron and Xena on DVD and VHS.
Has more source code on his PC that Pr0n.

Ultra elite designer guy
Actually goes to Real Experiences and SXSW
Gets into RSS vs Atom arguments.
Will explain at length why XHTML 1.1 Transitional is not really XHTML.
Has a tattoo of Jakob Nielson
Really into social software but has not been laid since the Dot-Com crash

Cat Photo lady
Has 3012 diet recipes posted but has yet to actually loose weight.
Thinks that Animated Gifs of angles are cute and should be on every site.
Writes her blog from the perspective of her cats
Thinks that everyone else on the Net uses AOL with Internet Explorer

The Moblogger.
Can't actually write.
Will take pictures of dirt to show artistic side.
Has a $600 mobile phone and a $10 haircut
Likes to post pictures of their lunch on the Internet

16 Renting a downloadable movie with Windows Media Player 10
P1
VO: Hey there Mr digital consumer man are you thinking about renting a downloaded movie with Windows Media Player 10?
Dude: Yes-siree Bob! I can't hardly wait.
P2
Thanks to the wonders of the internet it only takes three hours to download a movie instead of spending fifteen long minutes going to your local videostore.
Dude: Oh boy only 213 minutes to go!
P3
VO: For about the same price of renting a DVD your get your movie minus any special features and subtitles and it takes up about 600 megs of your hard drive.
Dude: That is a deal! I love trusting my credit card to a Microsoft program! So what if the file is worthless after 24 hours.

P4
VO: Of course this system does not work with Older Windows PCs, Macs or Linux or most TV systems.
Dude: You calling me a Commie? Real Americans only use Windows XP!

P5
Vo:
What is this service really good for? PR0n! Renting digital Pr0n Movies from the privacy of your own home.
Visual close up on a porn movie box and a box of tissues.

17 I don't want to grow up I am a Toys R Us kid.
P1
Jake : So do you ever feel weird going to Toys R Us to buy videogames.
BBQ: What do you mean?
P2 wide
Jake : I mean do you ever get worried that you will be mistaken for the socially-retarded man-child idiots that spend hours looking for rare Star Wars figures and other unholy Michel Jackson type reasons.
P3
BBQ: Nah. Do you think that they are worried that they might be mistaken for a obsessive videogame nerds who is looking for left over N-64 and Dreamcast games
Jake : Ah good point. Hey they have Paper Mario!

18 War and peace in the global village
P1
Kymberly: Jake you are such a dork.
Jake : No way I am a hard core nerd not just a dork.
P2
Kymberly:OK i'll bite What is the difference between a dork and a nerd?
P3
Jake : All you have to do to be a dork is have bad personal hygiene and know way too much about Star Trek while Nerds on the other hands have employable tech skills and can earn a paycheck with said skills.
P4
Kymberly:But isn't there lots of nerds are being replaced by cheaper Indian tech labor?
Jake : Yeah but a dork's role of hanging out at the comic store is safe and selling crap on Ebay is safe

19 I am Jake's Complete Lack of Surprise
P1 Big
Jake and BBQ at Blockbuster. Jake is holding up a copy of the Fight Club DVD. BBQ is holding Re-Animator
Jake: You know what movie they should show high school kids to prepare them for working in today's corporate world. Not Hoosiers, not The Breakfast Club, not Office Space, but Fight Club.

In it's bloody gory spender. It is an celluloid educational experience that is rivaled by no movie. Just think of it as a very brutal effective social hygiene film that the like to show you in Social Studies.

If Tyler Durton was a high school teacher gym would be more fun and Chemistry class would be all about making soap
P2
BBQ: I am sure the FBI really appreciates the variety of interesting films when they have to sift through your movie rental history.

Jake: Well sorry but not everyone like Catcher in the Rye.

Jake at September 16, 2004 Stuff

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Comments

Posted by: Mici at September 17, 2004 10:53 AM

Posted by: Bryan of Stillnotcool.com at September 17, 2004 11:19 AM

Posted by: Matt at September 17, 2004 5:17 PM

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