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The Twelve Drip Coffee Commandments
Some of you think I am nothing but a West Coast, latte sipping, tree hugging hippie Democrat but the truth of the matter is that I can't live without a good cup of drip coffee. In fact I first started drinking coffee to feel good but now I drink it to avoid feeling worse. Drinking coffee regularly in moderation is not that bad for you and there are some actual real benefits. So I thought I would put together a really simple guide on how I like to made a damn fine cup of coffee.
1. Get a decent coffee maker with a timer, and a decent sturdy carafe. I like the Black and Decker Target coffee maker that I got a while ago and as long as I keep it clean it keeps me going. The timer is a good thing so you can set it to go off in the morning so you have a nice fresh cup when your alarm goes off. Or at least when you are out of the bathroom in the morning.
2. Cream. Use the real stuff or half and half. Just get a small carton and keep in the the fridge. You will use it before it goes bad on you. There is the low fat crap but there are few things worth doing right in life and diet low fat creamer is just not worth it. My mom will put skim milk in her coffee and it is not really fit for human consumption. I would avoid the powdered creamer crap like it was anthrax.
3. Soy Creamer. If you really can't consciously use real milk cream I suggest Silk Soymilk creamer. It tastes really good and is pretty smooth. It is thick like cream and but it is a pretty simple healthy concoction so it is not a one way ticket to cancer like the freeze dried powdered creamer crap.
4.Get some real sugar. Not the chemically scientifically manufactured crap that is probably made from petrochemicals. I am the son of a research chemist but I have problem with scooping in a powder of slightly sweet mystery flakes that has a lab manufactured chemical composition when written out is longer than my arm. Sugar in the raw and unbleached sugar is the best in my book. I like about two spoon fulls a mug.
5. Find a good travel mug with a sealable lid and buy about four of them. That way you will have a clean mug and you will not have to worry about what top goes to what mug.
6. Get a small grinder. You can get one for about fifteen bucks. They are not rocket science and freshly ground beans taste more vivid and lively than the canned variety.
7. Keep your beans in an air tight container so they do not go dry or go weak.
8. Never ever keep a pot of coffee around for longer than an hour and a half. My mom will microwave hour old cups of coffee. It is a sin against Juan Valdez and God .
9. Don't buy flavored coffees or flavored coffee beans. If you want to ad a bit of flavor get some syrups or add some powdered cinnammon or nutmeg. But do not go overboard with whip cream and five shots of the sugar syrup. It is not Starbucks you know.
10. I prefer a medium to dark espresso roast bean. When you open the bag you should be able to smell it in a twelve foot radius. That is how you can tell it is the good stuff.
11. What the hell is the point to decaf coffee? Just drink some orange juice or tea.
12. It is always better to brew a pot that is too strong than a pot that is too weak.
The most important thing when making coffee is to always keep it real!
Jake at February 5, 2004 
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Comments
Actually, lately, I've been discovering that my coffee actually has a bit more flavor-- at least flavor I can taste-- when I make it a bit weaker than my caffeine-lusting instincts tell me to make it. Also... I wish they made small grinders with burrs, and not those spinning blades. I have one with the blades, and the grind size goes all over the scale, so I have tiny bits of coffee that go through the copper filter, and big bean chunks that do nothing.
Other than that... Greetings, my brother in caffeine! :)
Posted by: l.m. orchard at February 5, 2004 7:08 AM
I gotta stick with Starbucks... I am a corporate coffee whore you know.
Posted by: Anna at February 5, 2004 11:02 AM
Jake, have you ever used a French press? If not, you should pick one up - you can find them at most retail chain places like Target. I have a small 1-cup that I use at night when I only want a single cup of coffee. The process is: grind the beans while boiling some water. Put the beans in the press and fill it mostly full with the hot water. Put the plunger in the press, but don't push down - just let it steep for about 4 minutes. After waiting the 4 minutes, depress the plunger (which forces the coffee through the grounds, and pushes the grounds to the bottom of the press), then pour into your favorite mug.
I find that it makes better coffee than a drip, but it's not as much work as the espresso machine. Plus with the small 1 or 2-cup press, it's easy to make a small amount of coffee.
This is similar to what I have.
Posted by: Jeff at February 5, 2004 11:07 AM
I really should try a french press. I saw one on Queer Eye and it looked interesting but it is something that I would do if I had the time.
Starbucks does not know the difference between dark roast and completely burnt to a crisp.
Posted by: Jake at February 5, 2004 11:28 AM
Actually I would rather try a Freedom Press than a French coffee press and it is Freedom Roast coffee not French.
Posted by: Jake at February 5, 2004 12:26 PM
Coffee is also useful for killing trolls. Remember in the NES game The Immortal you could find a hidden coffee pot, then on the next stage you could find the exiled programmers of the game, give them the coffee and then they would give you a hidden spell to make the next stage easier.
Posted by: InsaneDavid at February 5, 2004 2:31 PM
I am so going to order Freedom Roast coffee the next time I buy it.
Posted by: Jeff at February 6, 2004 8:59 AM
Sugar???? Cream???? If you had good tasting coffee to start with, you wouldn't ever want to adulterate the taste with any of that crap. I suspect you have not got the faintest idea what good coffee should taste like despite your pompous tone of writing.
Also, buying a cheap grinder is pointless if you want a grind that is in synergy with your machine. Each machine is different and requires a different grind. You need a high quality burr grinder that will allow you to adjust the level of grind to match your coffee.
And what on earth are flavoured coffee beans?! I've never even heard of them, I couldn't imagine there could possibly be a market for such a thing! Only in America!
You can spot an American from a genuine human any day of the week!
Posted by: ROFL at February 15, 2007 4:39 AM
