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Review : The Lord of the Rings : The Return on the King
In the last half of December I have seen The Lord of the Rings : The Return on the King twice. This is the final climax to the best executed trilogy in cinematic history.
The film starts with an opening sequence about the history of Smeagol turning into Gollum after succumbing to the power of the Ring. It is sympathetic and creepy. Gollum is just as dark and engrossing as his performance in The Two Towers. If Andy Sirkis does not get the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor I will never see a Hollywood film ever again.
There is a bit too much of Samwise crying and when ever Sean Astin had do do anything stressful he broke down in tears. I have never seen a grown Hobbit cry over old elven bread. Sam really was a major hero once they got to Mordor and he saved Frodo several times. Sam did get a to marry a hot Hobbit chick at the end of the movie ending rumors that he secretly fancied Frodo.
Frodo was sickened and corrupted by the Ring and the inner struggle with Sam, Gollum and Frodo are some of the best character drama in sci-fi fantasy movies. If only the new Star Wars film had half as good acting that Peter Jackson got out of his cast.
Merry and Pippin were had a major part and were sort of a hero. Pippin did save Faramir and lit the signal fire to warn Rohan of the war. I love the fact that they were still smoking the pipe weed at the beginning of the movie that they found at the end of Two Towers Extended Edition. They were the biggest stoners on the movie screens since the days of Cheech and Chong.
Kymberly was quite disturbed by The Steward of Gondor an obsessed corrupt politician who gave in to greed and madness instead of serving his country. The sequence of him gorging on food while his son was ordered to be slaughtered against a fortified position was shades of the trench warfare and madness of World War One. It was disturbing and could not be ignored.
I suspect that the women in the audience could relate to Eowyn of Rohan. She did not get the guy but she ignored the gender norms of her society to save her king, fulfilled a prophecy, became queen, killed a dragon and demon. It was pure Xena lesbian princess type action. Kymberly thinks that once she takes over the throne of Rohan that she is going to get her mack on with Faramir Ranger of Gondor.
There is a lyrical immersive quality to the movies. Once the film starts to roll you are mentally taken to Middle Earth and there is nothing to force you out of suspension of disbelief that you engage in when you sit down to the movies. The rolls are cast perfectly, acted perfectly, shot perfectly on the most incredible sets with the most believable special effects and a cast of thousands. It is a cast of millions when you think about all the digital armies and creatures.
The cinematography had an almost magical quality. I say with no malice that this movie will win an Oscar for Best Director and Best Picture.
The theatrical cut weighs in at an impressive bladder bursting three hours and twenty one minutes. You must pee before you go see it and make sure you have plenty of popcorn to munch. There really are no slow parts and it is a movie that test even the most sturdy asses.
I will buy this when it comes out on DVD, I will then buy it when it comes out on super duper extended edition DVD set and I will cross my fingers that before the decade is out that Peter Jackson gets to make The Hobbit.
One ring to rule them all,
one ring to find them,
one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
Jake at December 26, 2003 
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Comments
Even your aging mother who usually falls asleep during most movies was able to stay awake during the whole movie--although the dark passages of Mordor were a real test. It was definitely worth going--especially since we went with you and Kymberly. I read the whole trilogy back in the 60's but this was definitely better. I wonder what they would do with the Hobbit?
Posted by: Jake' mom at December 27, 2003 12:10 AM
I really enjoyed this movie. It is a great example of the classic mythological tale. The opening scene with Smeagol is pure poetry in motion. I would recommend this movie to anyone and not just the Tolkien fanatic. Plus there are a lot of hot men in this movie that help you forget that you have been sitting for over 3 hrs.
Posted by: Kymberly at December 27, 2003 12:51 AM
ph33r New Zealand..we rock. :D
Posted by: Matt at December 27, 2003 12:18 PM
This movie rocks.
But on a Parenteral note. I would not recommend this for children under 8.
My nine year old son thought this was great. He loved the Shelob (the spider).
This is a must see.
Posted by: Scott at December 27, 2003 1:30 PM
I read the book when I was about 8. I think it is a bit scary but most kids could handle it.
Posted by: Jake at December 28, 2003 9:42 AM
I enjoyed this movie as much as anyone but anyone who says it is based on the book is smoking too much weed. In order to properly make the book into a movie one would have to spend 14 hours straight for each one. In fact the only similarity to the book was the fact that there was a ring that needed to be destroyed. Despite this the only thing that i did not like about the movie was the way that frodo kept zoning out and always looked as if he had had 8 too many frappachinos that morning and then got drunk off his arse. But as I will reiderate, it was an excelent movie that I would recomend everyone to see.
Posted by: shawn at December 28, 2003 9:50 AM
Rumor says the extended version will be around 5 hours long!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Tim at December 28, 2003 12:20 PM
my money is on 4 hours. As the nazghool flies.
Posted by: Jake at December 28, 2003 8:43 PM
And let us hope we do not have one of those on our tail, might lead to a sequel.
Posted by: shawn at December 29, 2003 1:52 PM
This movie sucked! .....Just kidding I have not seen it yet. I think I will wait for it to come out on DVD with the set that has the extra-special-special-extra-bonus features and not get suckered into buying it three times at 25 bucks a pop.
Posted by: pete at December 29, 2003 6:42 PM
I visited one of the places where they shot the film today. I also found the restaurant where John Rhys-Davis recited Shakespeare.
I'm a bored git. :p
Posted by: Matt at December 29, 2003 8:54 PM
cool, Kiwi!
Posted by: pete at December 29, 2003 11:03 PM
Shawn, I completely agree with you about Frodo.
Posted by: Kymberly at December 30, 2003 9:44 AM
Well that sounds like fun to me. I still would like to try a Kiwiburger
Posted by: Jake at December 30, 2003 9:47 AM
tell kymberly, i believe she is correct about eowyn and faramir.
I didn't read the books, tried real hard several times but no go, but I did poke around on some book sites and they said that she meets faramir i guess in the medical halls after the war while he's recovering ans she's nursing men back to heath and they fall big time for each other, but I hear she was a bit dim about him liking her till he all but said it... oh well.
liek I said I never read the book, so someone could have been having a joke on me... but then I'm an aragorn girl so I'm not sure how much i care.
Posted by: jen at January 1, 2004 2:17 AM
in the movie the whole thing between him and the elven queen was added in for effect, in the book it was just a tale of someone a long time ago.
Posted by: shawn at January 1, 2004 4:51 PM
Jen, I am also a Aragon girl. But I don't think I would kick Faramir out of bed for eating crackers.
Posted by: Kymberly at January 2, 2004 9:19 AM
Eating crackers???
Posted by: shawn at January 2, 2004 7:30 PM
