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Review : Michael Bay's "Transformers" Movie
I wrote this review the weekend that Michael Bay's 'movie" Transformers came out. I had a hard time writing this so rather than editing this down I think I'll just post this with as little editing as possible. I left it raw but I took out the swearing that was in my first draft.
I knew it was going to suck but I had no idea how bad it actually would suck.
I would have liked it if it actually was about the Transformers and not just crappy ADHD Hollywood stereotypes in a coke and money induced hollywood orgy shoveled at the minds of idiots. Hollywood can't make decent action movies anymore.
Imagine Hollywood besoiling one of your best childhood media memories and while you know it is cheesy but you didn't realize just how bad Hollywood was going to destroy it. It was worse than Sony's Fraudzilla version of Godzilla
If you actually liked Transformers as a kid you should just rent the original show on Netflix and save your popcorn money. Please for the love of God if you liked Transformers as a kid please please stay away from this movie and whatever you do DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS TO SEE IT. They deserve better and their innocent minds might be permanently scarred from the crappyness.
I have had a hard time keeping my frustrations from people that liked this movie. Stop encouraging Hollywood to do this crap. Tokyo and Hong Kong are the legitimate heirs to the Hollywood action movie.
There was way too much product placement and fragmented ADHD plot that was way cheesy and had way to many horrible characters
I will not see this movie on DVD and film reviewers that liked this movie should just drool into a cup while watching DVDs of barrels of gasoline exploding and not encourage Hollywood to further sullen my childhood*. (My girlfriend thinks that I stole that line from her.)
It sucked so bad that I don't think I will want to go see a Hollywood action movie for freaking years. The special effects were good but they were almost too expensive. It was obvious that they tried to write the script to have as little of the story to be carried by the very expensive to animate Transformers so they just made a movie for stupid people staring stupid people. I hated everybody involved with this horrible excuse for a movie.
Hollywood can make all the crap sandwiches they want but I am not going to take a bite anymore!
Transformers made we want to go home and have a hard drink but there is no amount of booze that would make me drunk enough to enjoy this movie.
Jake at July 17, 2007 
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Comments
Might we expect a review in the future? I mean, one that might indicate to us what, if anything, was done right, what of it will not resonate with transformers fans, how it might stack up to those without the transformers back-history. The only things was able to deduce from this was Hollywood and ADHD. Perhaps this post should be called "Rant: Michael Bay's 'Transformers' Movie" and save the "Review: " annotation for something less emo, more descriptive :D
Posted by: Allen at July 17, 2007 5:11 AM
I'm very happy with your review. I had a strong feeling that this would be crap.
Posted by: Shawn Laplante ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.8bitjoystick.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at July 17, 2007 6:22 AM
I wholeheartedly disagree. I've seen it twice and I left the theater overjoyed and completely satisfied both times. It's got a great story, star studded cast, and awesome special FX. How can the FX be "almost too expensive"? They're either too expensive or their not. Doesn't matter, they've already made the money back anyway. I thought it was a great live action update to one of my favorite childhood shows. Trust me, I watched the animated movie from 1986 and the old show has not held up as well as I remember it in my mind. I thought it was great that Peter Cullen returned to do the voice of Prime. But do me a favor Jake. Rent some of the old episodes and watch them and then go watch the new flick again (on a DLP grand screen, if there's one in your area). I'm just really surprised that you hate it so much. Being a tech geek like myself, I would have thought you would dig it. Keep on rockin'...
Posted by: Boyd at July 17, 2007 10:00 AM
I did review it. I just didn't have any good things to say about it.
re·view /rɪˈvyu/ –noun
1. a critical article or report, as in a periodical, on a book, play, recital, or the like; critique; evaluation.
Posted by: Jacob Metcalf at July 17, 2007 5:35 PM
Re:Shawn Laplante. You are WRONG, this film SUCKS. It is not a matter of opinion, but a matter of fact. You obviously have no idea about decent movies. Action movies fall into two catagories, good: x-men 1&2, spiderman 1&2, batman begins, and shite: x-men 3, spiderman 3, hulk, fantastic four 1&2, and now transformers. Know the score, it could save your life.
Michael Bay has never made a good movie in his life and I suspect he never will.
Posted by: erol at July 27, 2007 11:55 AM
Late returning to the thread, but my complaint wasn't that you didn't say anything nice--but that you didn't say anything but that you didn't like it. I guess I wanted more "Why" -- your review left me wanting to see the movie to figure out where you were coming from, whilst before I couldn't have cared less about seeing it.
Posted by: Allen at August 14, 2007 9:15 PM
the romance angle was poorly done, the military and FBI characters weren't believable in the slightest, there were innapropriate jokes that just fell flat, the story was candy ass and the ending was anticlimactic.
the film sucked
Posted by: David at November 13, 2007 12:42 AM
