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Am I a Metrosexual?
I have been jokingly examining my life and debating if I am a Metrosexual. Now for those of you who do not exactly know what that is let me break it down for you with my personal definition.
A Metrosexual is a straight guy who enjoys an urban environment, who knows how to wear a suit, would rather go to a club, bar or coffee shop than hockey game, sports bar and monster truck rally. They tend to take care of themselves and put some effort into looking good. I would like to think it is more about habits and priorities rather than genetics and financial statements. A metrosexual male can be intellectual, caring and have a matching outfit all while being totally secure with his choice in dates. In fact I would be as bold to say that most single females with a good head on their shoulders would prefer to go home with a guy who knew how to take care of himself rather than someone who thinks Wal-Mart and high school sports teams are the zenith of male fashion. A unfortutae misunderanding is that metrosexual guys are wusses and that the ladies do not like them that could not be further from the truth. If I may quote ZZ Top, Girls go crazy about a sharp dressed man.
My personal metrosexual icon would be Steve Craig as Peter Gunn. The guy knows how to look good in a suit, hang out in jazz clubs and the chicks all want him. Besides I can't really look up to some UK Soccer asshole who married a Spice Girl.
What really gets me is if you look at what characteristics that would be considered "Gay" are not all that bad individually in context. Cute, well dressed, works out, good hair, clean, in touch with emotions, enjoys intellectual conversation and know how to match a belt with shoes. I mean if you look at the stereotype of what a gay guy is expected to be like then if you look at the exact opposite than what type of a definition for heterosexual masculinity is that? Heterosexual masculinity does not need to be defined as a slovenly, messy brute that hates to read anything buy Maxim and porn and only wears stinky beer stained Hooter t-shirts. I mean is being a straight male constricted to being exclusively the absolute opposite of the characteristics that we hold gay males to. I my mind the only real thing that makes a guy gay is wanting to make out with other guys. Right?
Let's check a dictionary to see what it has to say about the word.
metrosexual \me-(.)tro - seksh-(e-)wel\ n: 1: twenty-first- century male trendsetter 2: straight, urban man with heightened aesthetic sense. 3: man who spends time and money on appearance and shopping 4: man willing to embrace his feminine side
So I am not a hundred percent sure if I qualify as a metrosexual so lets see how I stack up against the criteria.
Why I am a metrosexual:
For: I like to wear cool coats and jackets that would look good with a tie.
Against: I actually get my cool coats and jackets from Goodwill rather than some high priced european downtown store.
For: I like to ride my bike up big freaking hills and get some good carteovascular excersize.
Against: I don't lift weights at any gym and I could afford to do some sit-ups and watch what I eat.
For: I have a good tech job that pays me a comfortable salary.
Against: I don't make enough to justify dropping an obsceen amount of cash on itallian leather and the latest european fashions
For: I enjoy going to Seattle and enjoying the ambiance of the metropolitan atmosphere
Against: I live in a suburb across the sound and if I were really cool I would live in New York, San Fransico or Tokyo. I mean it is only Seattle.
For: I use a good conditioner and shampoo and know how to take care of my hair. I am growing it out a bit to look more "Brit-pop"
Against: I have never spent more than twenty bucks on a hair cut and my bathroom is not stocked from top to bottom with hair product.
For: I know how to talk about emotions and relationsships and stuff with chicks.
Against: I still call them chicks and I never spend more than $40 on a date.
For: I know a lot about techno, dance and rave music
Against: I do not know anything about showtunes and Broadway
For: I use an alpha beta hydroxy facial cleanser to take care of my skin.
Against: My girlfriend has pointed out that I do not have any facial moisturizer.
For: I use a sculpting wax as a hair product on my hair when I go out on the town.
Against: I had a bottle of unused hair gel from the 80s in my bathroom until 2003. I didn't use it but I had it.
For: I know how to cook without using the microwave from scratch.
Against: I really don't like to spend money on wines. I prefer beer and Bloody Marys.
For: I don't watch MTV.
Against: I have a blog. How dorky is that?
For: I can speak Japanese and can order sushi without speaking a word of English.
Against: I love to watch Gozilla and Samurai vs Ninja flicks.
For: I enjoy expanding my cinematic horizons with a selection of world cinema.
Against: I sill use the word flicks.
For: I love to watch the TV show Queer eye for the Straight Guy.
Against: If the Fab Five ever came by my place they would freak out and would decontaminate it when wearing heavy rubber gloves.
For: I actually own a copy of the book The Metrosexual Guide to Style: A Handbook for the Modern Man and loved reading it.
Against: Who the hell buys that type of trite exploitive marketing anyways?
Well I am not really sure if I am a metrosexual guy but really I do not really care if I am or not. I am happy the way I am and in the words of Mr Rogers. I like you just the way you are I could just clean my apartment a bit more often. I wonder if I have said metrosexual enough to get the search engines to notice? Metrosexual metrosexual metrosexual metrosexual, There that should do it.
Jake at February 19, 2004 
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Comments
There are certain requirements to being considered a Metrosexual that must be fullfilled.
1)It has nothing to do with showtunes or Broadway, that is more a Gay thing. I would say that Jude Law is probably a metrosexual.
2)You absolutely must have a keen sense of fashion and must also know how to pull of a "look" that is both urban and high couture', both chic and rugged, both masculine and GQ.
You have to know the difference between Alfani and Karl Kani. If you see a 3000$ armani suitcoat, Italian leather shoes and a modest yet refined hairstyle you may be looking at a Metro. You need to be able to disguise arrogance as sophistication and by no means should you ever go to a Blog meetup. That is unless you are seen ordering a "Manhattan" and know how it is made.
To the bartender:
"two olives please....lets not embarrass ourselves mmmmmk?"
Then you give him a really good tip and are really nice the next time you order by finding something to compliment and again leaving a very good tip. It keeps people off balance.
You have to be a bit of an arrogant/narcissistic bastard to pull it off...but not too much, just a tiny bit. It also helps to be able to walk into a nightclub and immediately start controlling the thoughts of the women around you with nuero/liguistic programming,suggestion and eye contact....but not too forcefull with the looks you give to them....just enough to get the point across that you can take it or leave it anytime you want.
I could go on...
Posted by: pete at February 20, 2004 12:47 PM
I know what to get my 13 year old 'trendy' brother then for Christmas then.
Posted by: Matt at February 20, 2004 1:05 PM
**drool** Peter is right....
It's an attitude that leaves no room for uncertainty. "Metro-Sexual Wanted: Non-Alpha Males Need Not Apply"
Posted by: puunum at February 20, 2004 2:58 PM
This girl would *not* go for a sharp dressed man, thankyouverymuch. Being a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl, I got for jeans and t-shirt kinda guys. Fuck looking like a preppie!
:)
Posted by: missy at February 20, 2004 3:43 PM
Yeah but you still like guys with Mullets
Posted by: Jake at February 20, 2004 3:54 PM
HAhahahaha! Missy....say it aint so :>
Posted by: pete at February 20, 2004 4:18 PM
Retrosexual or metrosexual? I agree you are metrosextual more than retrosexual.
Posted by: David at February 20, 2004 7:37 PM
I dunno, the first time I heard this word was actually from Howard Dean of all people. I think I fall into the tshirt and jeans category. In fact, I hate having hair and would much rather just have it shaved so I can wake up and go... of course there are penalties for that: the chicks don't really go for it although I have to admit I have met a few who didn't care - aye - I wish there were more attractives out there like that.
Interesting piece - I just don't think about it all that much. Time is a commodity as far as I'm concerned.
Posted by: gringo at February 21, 2004 9:11 AM
I liked Dean but he did not understand the word. From what I know about him there is no way that Howard Dean was a metrosexual.
Posted by: Jake at February 21, 2004 10:25 AM
And here I thought the definition of "metrosexual" was "foppish dandy."
Pantaloons optional.
Posted by: Evilninja at February 23, 2004 8:48 PM
its so easy ;)))
here is written how you become froma ageek too a metrosexual in 2 minutes ;))))
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