Yes indeed, I am here in McMinnville, having been to Chicago and back. And I"m still on Chicago time, which means I went to bed before midnight last night and got up around 8 am. So strange. I typically go to bed not too long before 8 am. As promised, I shall give a report of my wild and wacky adventures.

My aunt and uncle live near Chicago, so the first couple days were spent with them. It was mostly listening to my mom and aunt yap about stuff, and fearing for my life as my uncle did his Crazy Taxi impression all over the city. This whole weekend was full of bizarre car rides, come to think of it.

Then there was Medieval Times. You are served dinner in an arena while knights come out to joust and sword fight. Just like that scene in The Cable Guy. Too bad I didn"t get to brain anyone. Our knight was slain by another knight, but he did do the last ditch Michael Myers-style resurrect from the dead and kill the other guy with his dying breath move. There was also a dungeon full of old medieval torture devices. I bet you could get ANYONE to confess to being a witch with some of those things.

G-fest started on Friday, and the first event was a couple of movies at the Pickwick theater, while all the merchants and model artists et up their goods. Now, when I went to G-fest the other time, in 2000, getting to the movie theater in question was much easier. You left the hotel, turned right, walked about two blocks, and there you are. This time, the theater was a long way off. A 20 to 40 minute drive, depending on how well you could find your way. There was no shuttle or bus to the area, and taking a cab would be awfully expensive. The only course was to try to find a ride with another attendee. There was a message board set up in the lobby for such things, but it still wasn"t easy. I did make it to the theater by hitching a ride with a wacky couple. They were quite funny and entertaining, but didn"t really know where they were going. They managed to get there about ten minutes late, and that was by following the girl"s parents, who were driving another car.

So I did get to view Godzilla vs. Destroyah(most of it anyway) and Gamera 2 in a humongous old theater on Friday. Quite a nice place, just too damn far from the hotel. On the way back, my pilots got lost and drove about half an hour in the wrong direction. So getting back from the movies was no quick process, but it was rather amusing. "I remember that 7-11, I saw it yesterday when we were lost!" "Which way do we turn on Touhy Street?" "Well, it doesn"t say on the map!" "Danger Will Robinson, danger!" Indeed, they were a couple of characters.

One cool thing about this weekend was being around other Godzilla fans, about 80-90% of which were more nerdy or more obsessive than myself. I came away from this weekend with a nice little box full of cheapie Godzilla toys, but many people there were the type who would pay $300 for a super-rare 6-inch Japanese "Bulmark" brand Godzilla, which could be pink and barely even resemble the Godzilla of the movies. That doesn"t make sense to me, but to each his own. Gotta say though, Godzilla fans in general seem to be a very friendly and well-behaved bunch, which is strange considering the movies are all about fighting and destruction. They"re very easy to talk to, as well. I don"t know how many times I got into big conversations with total strangers, as if they were people I saw every day. Maybe it"s because we all love the same thing. It"s a physical manifestation of zen so profound and subtle that mere words cannot explain it.

Everyone"s favorite android, M-11 was present, and also providing translations for the Japanese-speaking guests. Those were Kawakita, the special effects man of every Godzilla movie from Biollante through Destroyah, and "Hurricane" Ryu, who was the suit actor for Battra, King Ghidorah, Godzilla Junior, and Godzilla himself in the last few movies, I believe. All three of them did a live audio commentary for Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah on Saturday, a movie they all worked on. A nice assortment of famous folks, but not as good as 2000 when they also had the original Godzilla suit actor, his successor for the 90"s movies, the director of the classic Gamera films and Miki Saegusa herself.

The last event on Friday was a showing of The Last Dinosaur, an American-Japanese kaiju-style movie about a prehistoric world under the polar icecap. I saw that movie so many times as a little kid I"ve still got most of it memorized. Starring a very old and rugged, and probably drunk Richard Boone as a rich hunter who wants to add the ultimate trophy to his collection: a T-Rex. It was presented by Lenell Bridges, the very man who Dean Devlin told to "go to hell" because he criticized Fraudzilla.

Saturday also had a presentation about the roots of the original Godzilla movie. It covered the events that inspired it, and how Godzilla was almost a giant octopus, and how he almost had scaly or lumpy skin before they settled on the "tree bark" texture. Also, all about how Ifukube created Godzilla"s roar by running a glove up and down a harp string(or something like it) and how he composed the score in under a week, but ended up thinking it was his best work.

There was also a phot shoot that day, where everyone brought their six-foot inflatable Godzillas to the parking lot. I was surprised that many are still around. I had one many years ago, but it long ago sprang a leak.

Then on Saturday night, there were the music videos and amateur movies. There was some great stuff there. I never thought I could enjoy Britney Spears music with the sound on, but someone rewrote one of her songs, with every lyric relating to Godzilla and played it over a bunch of clips of Godzilla"s greatest moments. The winner of the music videos was called "Mr. Astronaut Glenn" which, needless to say, has lots of Nick Adams footage, especially of him kicking alien ass and making out with the oh-so-sexy Miss Namikawa.

The home movies were excellent too. One of the funniest was "Mugar, Conquerer of the Universe" about the leader of the black hole apes, threatening earth and then going home and having marriage problems. There was a so-bad-it"s-good kaiju story, featuring a balloon Fraudzilla facing a giant guy in a dinosaur mask who can shoot lightning from his hands(an effect accomplished by grabbing paper lightning bolts between takes and shaking his hands. It also featured a giant robot, which looked strangely like a little girl wearing a couple of boxes with a coat hanger sticking out the top. And the final video was an elaborate stop-motion story about a Godzilla fan whose hundreds of toys all come to life and surround him while he"s sleeping.

And then there was the costume contest. At G-fest 2000 there were only about four entries, the winner of which was a foam rubber Space Godzilla. This time was much more impressive. There was a huge Ghidrah suit, a very nice Mecha-King Ghidorah with moving heads, Godzilla himself, and the winner, a flawless 1974 Mechagodzilla. I was in disbelief on that one. Not only was it a prefect representation, but I think it may have even looked better in some ways than the suit used in the movies. On top of that, it had glowing red eyes and fingers that actually fired. Mechagodzilla suit maker, wherever you are, I salute you! One girl was also dressed as Miss Namikawa. That costume was so hot. I almost grabbed her when she was walking around the lobby and yelled, "Hey listen to me, Namikawa! Life in this world ain"t gonna be worth a hill o" beans, ya hear??"

Also Saturday night was the American premiere of Godzilla vs. Megaguirus. I was to catch a ride with the same funnyduffers as before, but they went out to a bar or something and got lost. I ended up getting a ride with a couple of overly critical Godzillaphiles. Seeing that movie on the big screen was excellent. The entire audience cheered during the Toho logo, the title sequence, and any time Godzilla scored a major attack on Megaguirus.

One of the presentations I saw on Sunday was "Tokusatsu Mishaps." It was about life-threatening accidents that happened during the filming of Godzilla movies. In the original film, there is a scene where Godzilla is attacked by airplanes while in the water, and in that scene the whole pool was electrified by accident, which was not good. During the tumbling-off-the-cliff scene in King Kong vs. Godzilla, it seems the guy in the Godzilla suit smacked his head on a mountain and almost drowned inside the 150-pound Godzilla suit under the water. And during the filming of Godzilla vs. Destroyah, the mechanisms inside Godzilla"s head sprang a leak and the actor passed out from breathing the gas. Always remember kids, if you have a desire to act in a Godzilla suit, it"s tough work. It weighs a hell of a lot and they have to pour your sweat out of the suit between takes. It"s hot in there!

I also visited a nearby super-sized mall on Sunday. I got a ride with a cab driver who at first looked like a grouchy old fart, but then he began telling dirty jokes non-stop all the way to the mall. He didn"t obey all the traffic rules either.

One of the only problems I had the whole time was getting into the dealers" room where all the kaiju loot is for sale. The fire code only allows so many in the room at once, and often there was a long line. But sooner or later it would always clear up and I could go Goji-shopping. I succeeded in my mission of finding Battra toys for the young Godzilla-loving Blockbuster customer. Seems he"s got a figure of every monster except Battra. It"s probably no coincidence that Battra toys are rare and sought after, but I did secure some small uncolored, nicely detailed rubber Battra figures, and a couple of larger super-deformed ones. And all for tiny prices. Much preferable to the $75 asking price for the ultra deluxe Battra larva I saw. I also picked up some bootleg videos I saw for sale. Star Wars Episode I.I: The Phantom Edit(with 70% less Jar Jar), all the Simpsons shorts from back before they had their own show, and Little Shop of Horrors with the alternate "everybody dies" ending. I also happened to be at the right place at the right time to grab a large Godzilla toy for $10. Some guy was looking to sell it for around $100-200, but Sunday night had arrived and he didn"t want to carry it back home, so he sold it to me for ten. I also picked up some goodies at big discounts when the merchants were taking down their shops. Score one for G-Force!

I also ate at a kick-ass Cajun restaurant, but what was really funny was the meals the hotel restaurant served all weekend. Rolisican waffles, the Destroy All Monsters Special, Prime Rib of Varan, Sollgel Red Water, Minya Meatloaf, Biollante salad, etc.

Overall, this G-fest wasn"t as good as the other one I went to, G-fest 2000 in Hollywood, but I"m realizing that G-fest is like a Castlevania game. There"s no such thing as a bad one! Only varying degrees of goodness. I did not intend to write a gigantic Godzilla manifesto when I began, but alas, this weekend was deserving of it. So be excellent to each other and party on dudes!