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Dawn of the Blockbuster Customers
I've made this analogy before, but it became more apparent when I bought this Zombie DVD set and returned to work at Blockbuster for the first time in about two weeks. Customers, when you think about it, really have a lot in common with zombies. First of all, one by itself is not a problem, it can be dealt with easily. The real threat comes from their ability to overwhelm you with their sheer numbers. They tend not to move very fast, and they don't think for themselves very much. They usually gravitate towards where the others of their kind are gathering, whether or not there are any movies/clerks/brains to be found there. They have no respect for one another and will toss each other aside just to get their hands on a new release/chunk of flesh. Often you will think that you have the invasion under control, but they slowly begin to appear faster than you can eliminate them, and before you know it, your base is completely overrun with them and there is no escape. Usually the only way to keep them out is to securely lock the door, but then it is common for them to stand outside and bang on the windows. You must even lock the one-way exit-only door, because once in a while one of them will be smart enough to pry that door open and find its way in, when you least expect it. The only means of escape is to either eliminate each of them, one by one, until every last one is gone, or abandon your base and find a new hideout. Also, sometimes it is tempting to simply give up the hopeless battle and become one of them.
BBQ at January 5, 2003 
Rants
Comments
Just remember to shoot for the head and kill the brain.
Posted by: Jake at January 5, 2003 2:49 PM
From what I understand if you eat SPAM your blood will smell bad to them and they will stay away from you. It is like an antidote for zombies....er like zombie repellent.
Posted by: PETER PETER THE METER READER at January 5, 2003 3:12 PM
hehehehehe.... damn... you crack me up...
Posted by: Judy at January 5, 2003 6:36 PM
braaiinssss...
Posted by: tj at January 6, 2003 9:24 AM
I dunno BBQ you don’t have to worry about government funding cycles or corporate bureaucracy bull shit. There are times that I really envy you.
Posted by: Jake at January 6, 2003 11:52 AM
Oh, I just hate it when they stand outside and knock on the window after closing! It used to happen to me when I worked in a cake shop. No customers for a whole hour before closing, then suddenly, when you're closed, they all arrive, knocking on the window and peering in. Gaaaaaaaa! Sometimes people would even jump in through the gap as I closed the door, as if trying to make it in through elevator doors just when they're closing.
I don't know how long I've been reading this website... maybe 6 months, but I love it, and BBQ I love your entries the most, you're hilarious. And cool. I know this is a really sucky up post, but I don't care. I love you guys.
Posted by: Maja at January 7, 2003 12:16 PM
Thank you. You know, I've invented the term "the 12:01 crowd" for people like that. Gee folks, the store's only been open for FOURTEEN DAMN HOURS and you had to come ONE MINUTE after we close? Tough titties! You can rent "Triple X" tomorrow, jackass!
And what I said about them not thinking for themselves is so true. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me "What's good?" I could build a nickel-plated bra for the statue of liberty. Yesterday I had someone hold up the cover of a movie and ask, "What's this movie about?" Why don't you just READ what's in your hand, dumb ass? Hmm, maybe they actually ARE zombies.
Posted by: BBQ at January 7, 2003 4:00 PM
This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers- Randel from Clerks.
Posted by: Jake at January 7, 2003 4:43 PM
I think it's the number one rule of being a customer. Do not think. There's someone else being paid to think for you apparently. I used to get people asking me what the best cake was. I told them it was all good (it was, I'd tried everything.. mmm cake) and then I told them what they really wanted to know in the first place. I told them what everyone else was buying the most. They all just wanted what everyone else was having.
Oh yeah, and you're right about them gravitating to where others of their kind are. It's a worldwide phenomenon. If someone comes into the store, all these other sheep will decide they want to go in, too. They think (if they think, that is) that if someone else thinks there's something interesting in there, there might be something interesting in there. Customers are weird.
Oh and have you noticed that they always want the videos that aren't available? "Oh, these are all out, damn, I really wanted to see this movie. Excuse me? Do you have any more copies of this one?" If we had 10 trays of cakes all full up in the display case, and there was one tray that only had one cake left on it, they always wanted the cake that there was only one left of. "Oh, do you have any more of those?"
Oh, and this is my favourite. When we had 15 tables, no one in the cafe, and they were all cleared of dishes, except one, guaranteed that the customer would go and sit at the table full of dishes. THAT was the one they wanted.
Sorry, I really am ranting here. I'll stop it now. Except for this great quote:
"Why is this thus? And what is the reason for all this thusness?"
-Artemus Ward
Posted by: Maja at January 10, 2003 5:46 AM
I hate when a customer asks for a movie that isn't on the shelf, so I must go digging through the piles of returned movies, then when I finally find it and give it to them, they change their mind and rent something else that was on the shelf in the first place. It's times like that I am tempted to throw movies at them. He he.
Posted by: BBQ at January 14, 2003 3:43 PM
Hehe wow now i can do my report im sell'n zombie repellant to my school - BBBQ
Posted by: BBBQ at October 29, 2003 7:48 PM
great page...im sure i'll come back...best regards
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Ok, totally understand about the whole "Blockbuster customers are stupid" thing. I work there, and I swear: every single say, I get a customer who complains about how they got a movie sold to their account because they kept it out WAY past the due date; and then when they find out, they get all pissy and start talking about "Well I thought y'all had no more late fees, is that just a scam? So it's not really true, so it's false advertisement, huh?" and all this shit. IDIOTS! OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET CHARGED EVENTUALLY, YOU MORON. If there were NO late fees and NO charge for NEVER bringing your movies back, then EVERY Blockbuster store around America would be EMPTY. I swear, no matter how old or wise people get, they just don't get it...Nothing is free...No you can't just keep your movies however the hell long you want, how do you think we keep business going? "Oh just go ahead and rent this-there are no late fees, so just keep it out however the hell long you want-hell, you can keep it permanently, for all we care, cause there's NO LATE FEES!" Whatever...people, get a little smart--just a little bit. Please?
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